Underline and label the elements that contribute to this excerpt’s coherence: two sentences (one right after the other) that demonstrate the known-new contract, three examples of key word repetition, and one sentences that places the most important information in the stress position

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Underline and label the elements that contribute to this excerpt’s coherence: two sentences (one right after the other) that demonstrate the known-new contract, three examples of key word repetition, and one sentences that places the most important information in the stress position. Find and rewrite one passive voice sentence. Locate one sentence that uses too many prepositional phrases; revise the sentence to make it more concise. (30 points) Golden autumn. The best time of year in Beijing. I’d just flown in from the United States to start a position teaching scientific writing in English. I hadn’t been to China before, much less taught there, so I didn’t know what to expect. At the start of my first class, I looked around at my students: 17 scientists. The year was 1983, and some wore jackets that resembled the type popularized by the late Chinese leader Mao Zedong. The students gave me hesitant but welcoming smiles and I proceeded to tell them that my main goal was to help them publish internationally. I hoped this venture would work out for them—and me. I had dreamed of international work ever since I’d received my medical and public health degrees and embarked on a science communication career 4 years earlier. Yet I hesitated about applying for the opportunity in Beijing. I felt unsure about spending a school year in then-isolated China and putting my tenure-track position at risk. I also worried about venturing so far from my parents, one of who had been seriously ill. My parents, however, encouraged me to explore the opportunity. My program director offered me a leave of absence. And there was a good omen: Months before I ever thought of moving to China, my New Year’s resolution—one of the few I’ve kept—had been to master chopsticks. So I found myself in Beijing. Most of my students were female faculty members approaching my parents’ age. They made a point of taking care of me outside the classroom—inviting me to make dumplings, showing me where to shop, and taking me to Chinese operas, and I immersed myself in my host culture. In return, bits of U.S. culture were shared with my students. In November, I told them about U.S. Thanksgiving and the traditional dishes, such as sweet potatoes and turkey. Within a week, a potluck Thanksgiving dinner was proposed. They would provide the main courses; I would bring dessert. When I reached the potluck, sweet potatoes and Chinese favorites awaited. But the main dish had not arrived. Eventually, one student brought a package and an apology. Turkeys were hard to get, he said, so 1 he hoped we wouldn’t mind Peking duck. We went on to eat a delicious meal, complete with the best Thanksgiving bird I’ve tasted yet. The potluck gave us a chance to meld cultures and build bonds—some of which endure to this day—and in that moment I knew I had much to be thankful for. My first year in China with new students and with new responsibilities proved so rewarding that I gave up my U.S. faculty position to work in this position for one more year. Fortunately, I was able to land a faculty job after I returned to the United States, and I’ve now been tenured for more than 25 years. I look back fondly on my time in Beijing. I’ve been proud to see class members publish internationally and to see one elected to the Chinese Academy of Sciences. Some have shared what I taught them with their own students. This experience showed me that I greatly enjoy exploring other cultures and helping nonnative speakers communicate science in English. I’ve pursued those interests ever since. I’ve given workshops in many countries for many people, and each year I welcome international researchers to my university to take an intensive writing course, treasuring the chance to establish bonds with scientists from other countries. I hope younger colleagues will take chances on unexpected opportunities. The bird that appears might exceed all expectations. Extra credit. Answers available in this semester’s reading assignments. Name the three rhetorical moves in the introduction to an empirical research essay. (1 point each) Name three reasons to communicate science to a general audience. (1 point each) 2 STYLE A goal of scientific writing is to communicate scientific information clearly and concisely. Abstract, ambiguous, wordy, and redundant language run counter to this purpose. As a beginning scientific writer, you might use more complex words and phrases when simpler ones would be fine because you are trying to find the right academic sound for your writing; however, wordiness tends to obscure your ideas. This chapter addresses some strategies you can use to make sure you are communicating clearly. Methods of Eliminating Wordiness 1. Look for places where sentences are short because short sentences can slow down one’s reading. ORIGINAL: Franklin’s idea is about how to get ahead in the world. This is the American work ethic. It is also known in some circles as the "Protestant ethic." REVISED: Franklin’s idea about how to get ahead in the world is also known as the American work ethic or, in some circles, as the "Protestant ethic." 2. Look for places where sentences are heavy in prepositions. (Prepositions tend to be accompanied by "nominals"—i.e., noun versions of verbs.) Try to replace nominals with verbs. Verb Version Noun Version create creation develop development annex annexation judge judgment propose proposition achieve achievement NOUN VERSION: The creation of a work ethic takes place over many years. VERB VERSION: Creating a work ethic takes place over many years. 3. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers Wordy Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. More Concise Any dessert is fine with me. Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help. Here's a list of words and phrases that you can often cut to make sentences clearer: kind of sort of type of really basically for all intents and purposes definitely actually generally individual specific particular very (and most other adverbs) 4. Replace “be” verbs with active verbs. (“be” verbs = am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been) Wordy The function of this department is the collection of accounts. The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention. More Concise This department collects accounts. The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention. Related Note: When it’s appropriate, make sentences active voice rather than passive voice. This change will cut down on the number of “be” verbs. More information about active and passive voice is available later in this chapter. Passive Mistakes were made in the governor’s campaign. Active The governor made mistakes in his campaign. 5. Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions. Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several words to say what you could say more succinctly. Here are some other common circumlocutions that you should compress into just one word: the reason for for the reason that owing/due to the fact that in light of the fact that considering the fact that on the grounds that this is why = because, since, why on the occasion of in a situation in which under circumstances in which = when as regards in reference to with regard to concerning the matter of where is concerned = about it is crucial that it is necessary that there is a need/necessity for it is important that cannot be avoided = must, should is able to has the opportunity to has the capacity for has the ability to = can it is possible that there is a chance that it could happen that the possibility exists for = may, might, could Avoid the following phrases: in today’s society, since the beginning of time, in today’s world, etc. 6. Redundant Pairs Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete, so the phrase “completely finish” is redundant in most cases. So are many other pairs of words: past memories various differences each individual basic fundamentals true facts important essentials future plans terrible tragedy end result final outcome free gift past history unexpected surprise sudden crisis “BE” VERBS AND PASSIVE VOICE “Be” verbs do not show action; they indicate a state of being or existence. Am Is Are Was Were Be Being Been Find more information on editing: HERE Find practice editing: HERE Verb Choice Both active and passive can be appropriate; choose whichever sentence structure is most appropriate for your audience and purpose. Active voice: the subject does something (uses active verbs) The bat hit the baseball. Passive voice: something is done to the subject (uses “be” verbs) The baseball was hit by the bat. “Be” Verbs with Subject Complements (not passive) A subject complement is the adjective, noun, or pronoun that follows a “be” verb (or other linking verb) The subject complement renames the subject. • • Jacob is an athlete. She is intelligent. These sentences use a “be” verb but aren’t passive. Choosing Active or Passive Easier and more direct to use active voice; The Journal of Heredity prefers it. AIP (physics) prefers passive voice because it gives prominence to facts: • • Air was admitted to the chamber. Dr. Lewis is made cranky by unnecessary use of passive voice. All journals agree that writers should use whichever is most clear. Shurley method “be” verb jingle: https://youtu.be/xWwVehKYUwc Find more information on active and passive voice: HERE Prepositions Prepositions are the words that indicate location. Usually, prepositions show this location in the physical world or in time: In the car, on the ground, around the corner, under the bed, before midnight, during the race Prepositions are words which begin prepositional phrases. A prepositional phrase is a group of words containing a preposition, a noun or pronoun object of the preposition, and any modifiers of the object. A preposition sits in front of (is “pre-positioned” before) its object. The following words are the most commonly used prepositions: about above across after against along below beneath beside(s) between beyond but excepting for from in in front of Inside off on onto out outside over Toward Under underneath Until Up Upon among around at because of before behind by concerning despite down during except in spite of instead of into like near of past regarding since through throughout to up to With Within Without with regard to with respect to The Shurley method preposition jingle: https://youtu.be/8VHTb1ZlkXo Some prepositions are also subordinating words: after, as, before, since, and until A subordinate conjunction will have both a subject and a verb following it, forming a subordinate clause. • • After I ate lunch, I went home. (subordinate conjunction) After the meal, we all went home. (preposition) Proliferating Prepositions The sentence that ends with a long string of prepositional phrases often loses its focus. When editing, notice which words are most important in order to eliminate the unnecessary words Note the difference in these two sentences: • It is a matter of the gravest possible importance to the health of anyone with a history of a problem with disease of the heart that he or she should avoid the sort of foods with a high percentage of saturated fats. • Anyone with a history of heart disease should avoid saturated fats. Find more information on prepositional phrases: HERE Nominalizations Nominalizations are nouns created from adjectives or verbs. • • • • Ecosystem destabilization can be the consequence of invasion. Invasion can destabilize ecosystems. A conclusion was reached that pH determined the rate. Researchers concluded that pH determined the rate. Find more information on nominalizations: HERE